The Young Child is constantly withheld from many of his desires by physical restrictions. We use baby gates, fences, locks on doors and cabinets (restricted areas), cribs, playpens, leashes, and brief commands ("NO!" "YES!"). We carefully watch the young child; monitoring what he sees, where he goes, and with whom he associates. These barriers are primarily for the purpose of protecting the child from himself - from his own desire to seek his own will prior to an age when he has knowledge, self-discipline, a fear of the Lord, or help from the Holy Spirit to resist that which is harmful to him.
The School-Age Child is still in bondage under the elements of the world. Gal. 4:3 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. Prov. 22:15a Having foolishness in his heart, he is likely to act the part of a fool - a fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself. Prov. 18:2 He constantly desires to venture into the "department store" of the flesh. Nothing is more dangerous than allowing a child to "discover himself" at this age. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jer. 17:9 Being at the beginning of his "formal training" in self-discipline, he is relatively helpless at controlling his own desires; and the fleshly nature is thought to be a fascinating friend rather than seen to contain no good thing. Rom. 7:18 As a parent, you must protect him from his own worst enemy - his flesh, and two other predatory enemies -- the world and the devil. Childhood is the time to train your child in preparation for a life of self-denial (Mt. 16:24). As parents, you must become an outer boundary that restricts the fleshly nature of the child until the time that he has established inner boundaries and has inner help from the Lord. The outside barriers must remain well beyond the crib-stage; the barriers now becoming more directed at the speech and actions (which arise from the thoughts). As a child gets older, curiosity about the outer world and his body's desires increases, and the pull of the inner fleshly nature becomes more demanding.
There is every indication in the Bible that God expects total mental (2 Cor. 10:5) and physical (1 Cor. 9:27a) self-discipline; the kind of discipline that leads one to present his body as a living sacrifice (Rom. 12:1) and to take a determined stand for Jesus Christ (as did Daniel, Jeremiah, Nehemiah, Moses, Paul, Christian martyrs (Heb. 11:32-38), etc.).
The traditional school setting has some advantages, although in many Christian schools the disadvantages (peer influence, poor discipline, poor spiritual environment, etc.) outweigh the advantages. The advantages are those that greatly help to build mental and physical self-discipline, and should be seriously considered by homeschool parents. Self-discipline in a school is learned through:
1. The necessity of planning ahead to deliver books, homework, long-term assignments, etc. to school complete and on time.
2. The delay of the physical gratification/needs of walking about, bathroom break, water, etc.
3. The delay of the physical gratification of eating (only at lunch).
4. The denial of the desire to speak so as to concentrate on work.
5. The denial of the desire to speak so as to help others work.
6. The delay of the desire to speak to cooperate during group work.
7. Assignments totally dictated by the teacher.
8. The denial of comfort to one's body (sitting up on hard chairs).
9. A clean work environment (vs. clutter, toys available, etc.).
10. A day scheduled into definite, fixed time slots with limited time between classes.
The Teenage Years Rules - the outward barriers to speech and behavior, should, by the teenage years, have become a schoolmaster to bring [your child] unto Christ (Gal. 3:24); not only in the sense of Salvation secured, but coming to Jesus Christ for help with self-discipline. Correction from his parents has, by this time, taught him that he is a sinner in need of Jesus Christ to save him from eternal death in Hell. Prov. 23:13,14 Later in the teenage years, he has realized that outward control (still some barriers and discipline, but much more guidance) combined with his own emerging self-discipline still fails to keep his flesh under control. He must eventually recognize that by himself he cannot "hang on" and do right - especially in regard to emotions and sexual desires. He is coming to the understanding of for I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. Romans 7:18
Trust in his parents to help "keep" him controlled in speech, thoughts, and actions must now be directed toward One Who is able to help from within his heart. If, having accomplished this during the teenage years, he can now say I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Phil. 4:13 For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. Psalms 61:3 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him. Psalms 28:7 As he once trusted in his parents, a teenager should now place his trust in the Lord. Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea,I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10
Training in Self-Discipline
Your child "trusts in [his parents] with all [his] heart; and [must not] lean not unto [his] own understanding." Prov. 3:5 As a parent, you are his guide, his protector (from the world, his flesh, and the devil), and his external barrier to that which he desires to do that would develop poor habits and, consequently, poor character. Unlearned and not foreseeing the future, a child generally lives for today as a slave to his flesh. Parents must constantly be alert for opportunities to direct the mind toward an organized, Biblically-based, inner control of thoughts, speech, and actions.
Outward Discipline to Establish Inner Thoughts
1. Protect your child from a knowledge of sin. I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil. Romans 16:19
2. Protect your child from excessive thoughts about or interest in the things of this world. And truly, if they had been mindful of that country from whence they came out, they might have had opportunity to have returned. Hebrews 11:15 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Prov. 4:23 "Keeping" a child's heart is the parents' responsibility!
3. Reconstruct verbalized thoughts when they reflect desires of the flesh. For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. Prov. 23:7
4. Indoctrinate in the Scriptural basis and practical application of self-discipline. Deut. 6:6,7 Is. 30:20,21
5. Point out examples leading to success and failure - from the Bible and from life. Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come. 1 Cor. 10:11 1 Kings 1:5,6 Judges 14:3
Mental Self-Discipline
1. Expect mental effort - thinking, reasoning; and memorization of verses, facts from subjects, poems, songs, etc. Your child's education should always have a measure of difficulty. Fun in education has its place, but diligent work should be the main activity. Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. 2 Timothy 2:3 Good education, by necessity, will involve conflict with the fleshly nature of your child.
2. Train your child to be subservient to another's will, while at the same time training him to be cautious about choosing people to follow (strangers, etc.). Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves. Heb. 13:17a Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8
3. Train your child to have a pleasant attitude in all things. Work as diligently on attitude as you do on the training of physical discipline. Then this Daniel was preferred above the presidents and princes, because an excellent spirit was in him. Dan 6:3a And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man. (He was 12 at the time.) Luke 2:52
Physical Self-Discipline
1. Erect firm, consistent barriers to unwanted actions. Demand desired actions when told the first time! It is poor training to allow your child the "pleasurable sin" of delayed obedience (calling several times, counting to ten, etc.). Ep. 6:2
2. Impose discipline for repeated infractions and encouragement for success (without inflating self-esteem). Ec. 8:11
3. Indoctrinate in the Biblical basis for physical self-discipline and teach the practical application of physical self-discipline. 1 Cor.9:27
The Urgent Task
The time is short, and the days are evil! Ep. 5:16 You have a brief opportunity (which is sharply reduced at the arrival of the teenage years) to instill the mental "operating system" that will guide your child for a lifetime. There is no time to "enjoy" the antics of a child with little self-discipline. If you laugh and think that junior's undisciplined habits are "cute," you and he will pay a dear price - a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Prov. 29:15 A child is not an adult, nor can he be expected to have the self-discipline of an adult, but childhood is the time to train the future adult. View all training as preparation for future service for the Lord. Train a child to become a useful servant of the Lord- strong in faith and in character! This is the parents' responsibility, and is not to be delegated to the church or a Christian school. Homeschool parents have a great advantage in character building, but many, due to weariness or perceived inability, are neglecting character building while concentrating on child-centered academics.
It will be difficult to place a barrier around your child's fleshly nature. Each child will be different; some will put up more of a "fight" in defense of fleshly desires. Those who do are, perhaps, being prepared for a more difficult life of service for the Lord. Do not fail these children in their preparation by using excuses (hyperactivity, physical handicap, middle child, etc.).
A constant example must be set by the "trainers." While you might desire to let down your guard and indulge in poor character, always remember that you must be able to say be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. 1 Cor. 11:1
Training children in self-discipline takes much repetition of teaching and consistency in correction and discipline. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Prov. 22:6 The rewards of careful attendance to character building are great! The "yield" is the peaceable fruit of righteousness! Heb. 12:11 It is possible to produce a delightful teenager!
General Goals
1. To build an inner restraint against the desires of the flesh - by providing consistent outer restraints and expecting habitual conformity. But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection. 1 Cor. 9:27a
2. To instill a fear of the Lord (which greatly reinforces inner restraint); and to train to obey as seeing him who is invisible. Heb. 11:27b Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the LORD. Ps. 34:11 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Prov. 1:7
3. To encourage a total trust in the Lord for strength and direction (recognizing that help with restraint is necessary). Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Prov. 3:5 O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps. Jer. 10:23
Specific Goals
Self-Discipline is needed:
1. To be accountable for the use of time. 1 Peter 4:2
2. To learn to wait to speak. James 1:19
3. To speak when shyness or fear inhibits. 1 Thes. 2:4
4. To learn to weigh thoughts carefully before speaking. Ps. 34:13 Prov. 13:3; 21:23
5. To be able to perform unpleasant tasks without distress. 2 Tim. 2:3
6. To be able to use the mind to memorize required material. Prov. 10:14 Ps. 119:11
7. To be able to endure difficult trials. James 1:2,3
8. To learn to perform unpleasant habits.
9. To have physical self-restraint. 1 Cor. 9:27
10. To keep thyself pure. 1 Tim. 2:22 Phil 4:8
11. To keep rule over his own spirit (emotions). Prov. 25:28
12. To complete a project from inception to completion. Ec. 10:18
13. To deny the lust of the flesh (unavailable/wrong material or physical desires). Luke 9:23
14. To delay legitimate self-gratification; to be content with withheld desires. Phil. 4:11,12
15 To work with no expectation of immediate reward. Gal. 6:9
16. To joyfully submit to another rather than to seek one's own will. Ps. 40:8
17. To eat what is set before him with contentment. Phil. 4:11
18. To trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Prov. 3:5
19. To deny feelings and choose to do what is right. 1 Kings 18:21
20. To give up a liberty so as not to offend another person. 1 Cor.8:13
21. To develop mental discipline (Disciplined mind ⇔ Disciplined body). 2 Cor. 10:5
22. To continue in work despite personal physical rebellion. Lam. 3:27
23. To be a servant instead of a master. Mt. 23:11
24. To be accountable for one's personal name and family name (testimony). Prov. 22:1
26. To receive correction and discipline with a good attitude. Prov. 3:11; 15:10
27. To cooperate with the needs of others - to concede his needs for the benefit of a group. Ps. 133:1
28. To maintain a Godly value system that directs daily decisions. Gen. 24:33 Col. 3:2
29. To submit to an unpleasant master. 1 Peter 2:18
30. To develop a mental alertness. 1 Peter 5:8
31. To be able to refuse negative peer pressure. Ex. 23:2
Daily Plan
Consistent Example Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. 1 Cor. 11:1
Consistent Teaching The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel; To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding; To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity; To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion. Prov. 1:1-4
Consistent Training and Maintenance Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Prov. 22:6 Because sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil. Ec. 8:11 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Prov. 23:13 Wherefore I will not be negligent to put you always in remembrance of these things, though ye know them, and be established in the present truth. Yea, I think it meet, as long as I am in this tabernacle, to stir you up by putting you in remembrance. 2 Peter 1:12,13
Implementing Goals
For each goal that you desire to be fulfilled in your child, make a specific, long-range plan to see your goal accomplished. Follow the pattern of:
EXAMPLE --TEACHING--TRAINING.
SAMPLE: Goal #1: Self discipline is needed to be accountable for the use of time.
Example: Be conscious of time in your own life. Show a concern for your own use of time. Be on time to church, appointments, class, etc. Don't waste time! Ep. 5:16
Teaching: Expect household jobs to be done without stopping to play or to talk to others. Expect schoolwork to be done without wasting time (playing with pencils, walking around, talking, daydreaming, etc.) As your children get older (old enough to easily tell the time and own a watch), expect them to be ready for church on time (without being told), get up on time (with the use of an alarm clock), plan ahead to be ready for a specific bedtime, set the table prior to an appointed time, be in from outside play at a certain time, etc. Teach your child the value of time - how to use it wisely, how to plan ahead, and how to work to meet deadlines and schedules (long and short-range). Have him memorize verses having to do with time, laziness, slothfulness, sluggishness, unfaithfulness, etc. (Prov. 24:38-30-34; 18:9; 26:14)
Training: Discipline in some way when a responsibility to a certain time is avoided, ignored, or forgotten. Let your child know that excuses such as "I forgot" will not be accepted! Discipline for wasted time when he is expected to be working (take time off from free/recess time, etc.)
Maintaining Boundaries
1. Physical discipline, when necessary. He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Prov. 13:24 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Prov. 22:15
2. Withdrawing a normal privilege-a withdrawn blessing due to a failure in the responsibility to do that which was taught. When self-discipline fails, the old nature will be reinforced/encouraged-because the pleasures of sin were allowed without any unpleasant consequences. If unpleasant consequences are not arranged by parents now, the unpleasant consequences will come when the child becomes an adult. (Ec. 8:11)
3. Natural consequences - those unfortunate things that happen as a result of disobedience (perhaps disobedience that is not immediately discovered by a parent). Attributed to God, we would also refer to this as "learning the hard way-by experience." Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Phil. 1:6 For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure. Phil. 2:13
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